Dear David Caruso,
I watched your show today. I don't even know the name of it. I got home late and fixed a super fast dinner and just sat down to chill for a minute, so I figured, 'What's the harm of watching this show. I know... I really hate you, David Caruso. But it's only a minute or two.' A few years ago when I was addicted to television, I used to watch your show all the time. And when I did, I remembered thinking, 'Wow. David Caruso really sucks as an actor. Either that, or his characters are all written real shitty. Either that or the writers are COMPELLED to write really shitty characters for him because he can't do anything but crappy suck acting.'
So, anyway... benefit of the doubt... I watch your show. You were in a holding room with someone you had arrested for MURDER. And you said, "We apprehended Carlos Agaba today." And she said, "So, are you going to let me go?" WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT, DAVID CARUSO? You suck so bad. Could you possibly have any other expression on your face? Could you vary your vocal inflection at all from its present monotony? You are terrible. And all the other actors on your show are good actors. Why do you suck so bad? And do you think you are really good? Your characters seem pompous and arrogant, so I believe that you also are pompous and arrogant. Maybe you aren't! Maybe you are a really nice person and the fact that you can make yourself seem otherwise is proof that you are a good actor. But I don't believe it for a second. I think you suck. And when I talk to people in my daily life who have such a blank expression and irritating way of talking like you do, I walk away from them. And when I walk away from them, I think... 'God, I'm glad I'm not talking to them anymore. I wanted to kick that person in the head.'
I watched your show today. I don't even know the name of it. I got home late and fixed a super fast dinner and just sat down to chill for a minute, so I figured, 'What's the harm of watching this show. I know... I really hate you, David Caruso. But it's only a minute or two.' A few years ago when I was addicted to television, I used to watch your show all the time. And when I did, I remembered thinking, 'Wow. David Caruso really sucks as an actor. Either that, or his characters are all written real shitty. Either that or the writers are COMPELLED to write really shitty characters for him because he can't do anything but crappy suck acting.'
So, anyway... benefit of the doubt... I watch your show. You were in a holding room with someone you had arrested for MURDER. And you said, "We apprehended Carlos Agaba today." And she said, "So, are you going to let me go?" WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT, DAVID CARUSO? You suck so bad. Could you possibly have any other expression on your face? Could you vary your vocal inflection at all from its present monotony? You are terrible. And all the other actors on your show are good actors. Why do you suck so bad? And do you think you are really good? Your characters seem pompous and arrogant, so I believe that you also are pompous and arrogant. Maybe you aren't! Maybe you are a really nice person and the fact that you can make yourself seem otherwise is proof that you are a good actor. But I don't believe it for a second. I think you suck. And when I talk to people in my daily life who have such a blank expression and irritating way of talking like you do, I walk away from them. And when I walk away from them, I think... 'God, I'm glad I'm not talking to them anymore. I wanted to kick that person in the head.'
Please do not watch this youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948
3 comments:
I, apparently, am not alone.
http://imgoing2hell.blogspot.com/2007/05/reasons-to-hate-david-caruso.html
GREAT POST. I never laughed so hard. And no you are NOT ALONE.
Oh good Lord. I just laughed myself to oblivion reading the rantings of this amazing writer: October 28th, baby...
http://uglycreatures.blogspot.com/
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