Friday, February 4, 2011

Pet Peeve #2

Dear Long Hair Football Players:

You are totally disgusting. Your gross hair repulses me. I don't understand why you can't take your job seriously enough to keep a normal length of hair. Clay Matthews, I am talking to you. You were just on Leno and I wanted to rip your hair out of your scalp. You twirled it all around and when you whipped it back over your face, I saw your gross manly face peering out from long luxurious locks and I threw up in my mouth. Troy Polamalu, I am talking to you. I can't even imagine what foul creatures must be lurking behind those curls. You are repugnant and I wish some hoodlums would jump you and remove your hair with scissors.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


I used to lick the ice cream out of the bottom of my bowl. I wanted all the goodness. The yummy sweet delicious drops of melty, melty lllmmmmmuuhhh.

Therefore, it's hard for me to admit that I believe that really, really crappy things are bound to happen. Why do I think this? It's all these underlying ideas that linger around unpondered. Every now and then, this undetected anxiety pops up. It's like watching a scary movie. The music turns dark, someone wanders around ignorant of looming danger, and BOOM! Something terrible happens.

Of course, it's the hard times that make the sweet times that much sweeter. And I know what hard times are like. I know that they broaden your perspective. I know that your life becomes richer. I just don't want any more. And I don't want to feel like something is right around the corner.

I guess you take the good with the bad. Isn't that from The Facts of Life? I am in what I consider to be a good long stretch of good and I don't want anything to mess it up.