Multiple Personality Disorders in Mi Perro

Now, I'm not intimately aware of the signs of schizophrenia, so I don't know that I'm prepared to diagnose my dog for sure. But it's like he is one person when I am around, one person when I'm gone, and an entirely different person in bed. Now, hear me out. So, when I'm gone, things mysteriously occur. One by one, the things I choose to accent my living room with disappear and all that is left of them is shreds of wood on the living room floor. A Mexican pot... a carved box from India... they have all met their end. It's got to be him, right? But he never really admits to it... naughty.

Then when I am around, he's super happy, playful. He noses me to wrestle him. But he refuses to snuggle me in daylight. Refuses. All he wants is treats, walks, to have his ball thrown, and to play tug-of-war. It's all about him, really.

Now, an entirely different personality appears once night has fallen. He creeps up in bed and snuggles with me just perfectly. When it's cold he tries to nose to get under the blankets. And in the morning he lays his head on my chest. Such a sweet dog.

WHAT THE HECK? Are these all just aspects of one personality? Are they three separate ones? Does he want his cake and to eat it, too? Make up your mind, dog! You think this... you think that... you do this... you do that... WHAT DO YOU WANT?!???

I guess it's ok with me in the end. If it really bothers me, I'll just ignore him.

Harley Has Ripe Gas

Dear Harley,

I am glad you are living with me. You are precious and you needed some love. So I am happy to fill that need. You needed me to brush you and to keep you healthy with good food and a bit of medication. You needed me to take you on walks. And to love you. To pet you when you come near and to wrestle you around a bit.

But you farted today more than once. In fact, you made my friends move from one place to another at least three times. I was just online and you decided to lay next to me. I can't really smell it that much, but I sense that there is a stench in the air. What the heck? Why don't you do a cleanse? Your gas is rank.