Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I Need Time Space Silence

My mind is not right. I have handled myself very well since my divorce. I've mostly done the right thing. But I have felt pushed and pulled these recent days and it's left me ripped open. At least that's how I feel today. I need boundaries. I can't be pushed and pulled any longer, so what I really need to do is clear my thoughts and create some distance from the situation. Some emotional distance? My dear friend and I share the most deep and communicative intimacy. It is like none I've ever had. And this intimacy is a deep friendship... so deep that it's blurs the lines of friendship. We have an odd relationship. It's not bad. It's different. And I've intentionally prevented expectations from creeping into the middle of it all, however, my emotions are so heavy in the midst of it all. I am so intensely in love with him. And the timing is so intensely wrong. So what do I do? I can push back that love and stifle it so that I'm not living an authentic life. I can let it grow. I can let it die away. Or I can get a little healthy distance.

Healthy distance. Time. Space. Silence.

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