Dear Creepy Guys

Dear Creepy Old Guys:

Please move in with me and my roommate. We are two beautiful women in our late 20's/early 30's. We are rarely home, so you have plenty of time to root around in our closets where we keep our clothes and panties. Come eat our food and leave your piss all over our toilet seats. It would be an extra bonus if you avoided helping out with manly duties like mowing the lawn or nailing and screwing things. Please feel free to leave your dirty laundry in a pile by the washer so that we can throw it in with our own things. Maybe if you are lucky you will get a thong stuck inside the leg of your pants and when you go to work and it falls out in front of your co-workers, you can be given the double thumbs-up. We would especially appreciate smelling your cigarette stank as you walk in the door and listening to you empty your bowels in the morning. And our policy with jewelry and make-up... what's mine is yours!