Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Goodnight, Ceiling Fan

I enjoy the bit of independence I have in my life. I get to go climb when I want to and eat late when I want to and work late when I want to. There's no one that depends on me to get home to take care of dinner or anything like that. When I was married, I usually rushed home after work to get dinner going and then I sat on my ass watching TV the rest of the night. Lame.

Today I worked late and then climbed. I came home to take Wyatt out for a while and fixed a super late dinner. So mellow. And there was no responsibility for anyone else. Nice.

But then, when I did come home, it was lonely. No one to talk with about the day. No one to laugh with in the kitchen. No one to tuck into bed with and to kiss goodnight and to feel the warmth of their skin next to me. Well, my dog... not quite the same, right? So I think I stay away as much as I can. I get on my bike or take Wyatt for a run until it's dark. And I quickly fix dinner and then head to bed ignoring all that I miss about having someone there.

It's so nice to have someone there. To sit and breathe together. To have breakfast together or to sit outside near the fire together. Someone to fill up the car with gas while you take care of something else. To bounce ideas off of. To laugh with. To love. And to be loved. I think that's what I miss most about being married to Robert. He really loved me. Of course, that came with a slew of other issues. I began to wonder if it was possible. I didn't think a man could really love a woman. But I know it is possible. Just rare. So maybe the total independence isn't all it's cracked up to be. Ah, life.

Goodnight, then, computer. And dog. And ceiling fan. Goodnight, closet. Goodnight, dishwasher.

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