Now, I'm not intimately aware of the signs of schizophrenia, so I don't know that I'm prepared to diagnose my dog for sure. But it's like he is one person when I am around, one person when I'm gone, and an entirely different person in bed. Now, hear me out. So, when I'm gone, things mysteriously occur. One by one, the things I choose to accent my living room with disappear and all that is left of them is shreds of wood on the living room floor. A Mexican pot... a carved box from India... they have all met their end. It's got to be him, right? But he never really admits to it... naughty.
Then when I am around, he's super happy, playful. He noses me to wrestle him. But he refuses to snuggle me in daylight. Refuses. All he wants is treats, walks, to have his ball thrown, and to play tug-of-war. It's all about him, really.
Now, an entirely different personality appears once night has fallen. He creeps up in bed and snuggles with me just perfectly. When it's cold he tries to nose to get under the blankets. And in the morning he lays his head on my chest. Such a sweet dog.
WHAT THE HECK? Are these all just aspects of one personality? Are they three separate ones? Does he want his cake and to eat it, too? Make up your mind, dog! You think this... you think that... you do this... you do that... WHAT DO YOU WANT?!???
I guess it's ok with me in the end. If it really bothers me, I'll just ignore him.