Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Quasi Dating Enigma

So, it seems to me that the quasi-dating phenomenon is gaining popularity in the mid-twenties to early thirties crowd. Maybe I'm delusional and have a biased perspective. I'm sure there are relationships that occur at this age that are less dysfunctional, but just hear me out.

What qualifies as a quasi-dating relationship? These two spend alot of time with each other. They may or may not be seeing other people. The couple, or a portion of the couple, isn't interested in committing whole-heartedly. This could be due to one member wanting to keep options open. It could be because one or both parties are not ready for the committment. It could be because, frankly, he's just not that into her... or vice versa.

Now, we can't necessarily assume that all quasi-relationships are alike. One could involve the two caring very deeply for each other where, in a different QR, you would be hard-pressed to find any significant interest or attraction between the two. If the couple is at the same spot, this could possibly be a very comfortable place for them to be. But if they differ in perspective, it causes quite a rocky situation.

No one wants to feel half-interested in. No one wants to be nominally cared for or partly adored. These end up being anemic, sluggish, flacid relationships because the parties don't really understand where they stand with each other. One writer suggested that individuals in these relationships end up backing into a dating situation with each other without clarifying their relationship. These are weak reflections of true relationships. There may or may not be a time and place for this type of relationship. Perhaps one member of the couple just wants to give the other person some space or extra patience. But sticking it out in this kind of relationship can cause some significant problems if one refuses to take a close look at motivations. Feelings of resentment or inadequacy can start to take over.

Now, I, myself have never been involved in anything like this. So who am I to judge? Just a simple observation of life as it is today... Ha! I lie. I have extensive knowledge of this very situation. My past blogs should be evidence of that. But today I took another step at analyzing and clarifying. And I am happy. I am ready to rinse my hands of quasi-dating forever. At least until the next super-luscious gentleman steps into my life and makes an offer I can't refuse: hesitant passion, wavering devotion, and lackadaisical affection.

; )

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