Sunday, November 22, 2009

Tips for People Who Know Nothing About Vampires

So, apparently I know nothing about vampires. Here is what I found interesting...

When a person becomes a vampire, I was under the impression that their life as they know it ceases to exist. But listen! THEY DO NOT HAVE TO QUIT THEIR JOBS. All they have to do is get a special ring so that they can appear in the daylight. They are irresistably drawn to biting people and can suck blood WITHOUT killing people. Instead they erase the memory of the person that they fed off of. GROSS! Who made up these rules? This is crazy.

Do they sleep in coffins? And why are zombies so disgusting? Why all of a sudden is everyone so excited about vampires but so judgemental against zombies? I thought they only lived in Transylvania. And what in the world are gnomes? Elves? What distinguishes an elf from a gnome? Why do some elves work for Santa and others apparently have wings and flit around the forest?

I hate stupid vampires.

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