I've been discovering my own need to be quiet and to be by myself. To turn off music. To turn off my phone and to bury myself in reading and thinking and journaling. This is the quiet, reflective side of me that I'm sure people don't recognize. All too often, I'm the brash and brutally honest, slightly in-your-face me. A friend of mine wrote a blog entitled, Breathe. It talks about intentionally placing yourself in a spot where you can fill your lungs and settle your mind and heart. It's all too necessary and all too overlooked. I recently have wrapped myself in social events - moving from one workout session to a dinner party... from one girls night out to another night in with my guy. And all I need sometimes is to be. Quiet. Settled. Alone.
Well, I spent some time reading today. I read slowly through a paragraph. I read it again. And then I read sentence by sentence. Words tangled through my thoughts. And I questioned the intent of what I had read. I journaled. And when I came out of this time, I thought about the following things... I realized how selfish I've become and how wrapped up in myself I get. And I realized how very, very little all of that matters. Sad, really. I have no significant issues in my life and yet I perseverate on running every little detail through my mind until I'm exhausted of it. Am I really that exciting? No. I'm really not.
I also thought of the idea of home. And what it means to make my home. My physical home is not the idea here. But instead, I really mean how I create my life and where I place value. Where am I settled and comfortable? Where am I at peace and at rest?
I love the word, abide. It indicates so many things. On a surface level it indicates staying or residing. To wait for something and to remain faithful to something. I love that. It's up to me what I choose to stay with... to be faithful to... and whatever it is that I choose, ends up being my home. And it's there I can rest.
That idea is beautiful.