Friday, February 6, 2009

Back to Normal??

Well, I never anticipated grief to show it's face like it did. And it disappeared quite strangely before I knew it was gone. Perhaps it will show up again but this last weekend, it was so heavy, I thought it would be my close companion for quite a while.


In those moments of grief insanity, I think I blew a bit of a gasket and wrote a letter to break things off with this wonderful man I have been seeing. My friends all thought I was crazy. Why I would sabotage a good thing, I don't know. I guess I felt that I was too much of a mess to require him to spend time on me. However, he's one of the ones that held my hand and let me grieve. He's not perfect and neither am I. I am still not sure that we are right for each other. Is there some sort of timeline that dictates how long you wait around to feel like someone is right for you? Well, if I completely disregard all of that, I know that I love being around him. He is wonderful to me. He is thoughtful and caring. He gives in many ways. He smiles at my quirks.

I always think that if 'his' (whoever that 'his' may be) mother doesn't know about me, then I'm not really that important to him. Is that strange? I know it's somewhat silly. I mean, his mother might know about me even if I am not important to him. Seems like twisted logic, but it's my logic, nonetheless. I say all that to say this: his mother doesn't know about me. Seems like a chapter out of He's Just Not That Into You. Oh, yeah? Well... I... I refuse to leave my things at his house. And I don't leave my schedule empty just in case he asks. So there.

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