Monday, July 7, 2008

Feeling Ungorgeous

I have been a dork all my life. Not a big deal. : ) I don't mind being silly or dirty or unperfect. But sometimes it gets to me. I know there are many wonderful things about me and I don't pretend that I am any less or any more than I am. But, frankly, there are some things that I am not. Most of the time, I am settled and content with that. But this weekend, I felt distinctly unpretty. It really began to color my weekend. I don't know why it was such a big deal. I camped and biked this weekend for about four days. I was smelly and dirty. I really love being able to be smelly and dirty and just to love my day for what it was.

But I spent the weekend with a group and in that group was an absolutely stunning woman. She is gorgeous. And no matter what she wears or how dirty she is, she always looked absolutely beautiful. I think it's fair to admit that this was not the case for me. I didn't look that great. And it was hard for me to not be the glowing wonder in the group. I guess my expectations might have been wacked... I know Max was looking forward to this weekend so much. And so was I. And I guess I wanted to be the beauty and the mountain girl all at once. I wanted Max to think I was beautiful.

Looks like I still have some stupid insecurities to work out. Damn it.

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