Saturday, April 14, 2007

Losing Out

Today I lost my best friend. Not in the way that many people have lost their best friend... but I'm not sure it was any easier.

I remember when I first fell in love with my husband. He and I were relaxing one day. And he spent a long while looking at my armpits. He traced his finger across my skin and just looked for a while. I know. Sounds kind of nasty. But I realized then that if he loved the nastiest part of me, then he was a keeper. We had a wonderful relationship. My best friend. My partner in crime. My confidant. And it is a beautiful thing to be so comfortable with someone.

And now I look at where this beautiful thing has gone. I realize I created most of the damage. I can't begin to express my sorrow over this. I lost the most valuable thing in this world. So today, my heart is heavy. And I suppose I'm terrified knowing that I may have lost the last chance I had at being truly loved. Maybe I will never be comfortable with anyone again. I suppose that's the price I paid for not taking care of what I had to begin with.

A new day begins tomorrow...

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