Stupid Money

Dear Mr. MoneyPants, the Financial Planner,

No. I do not want to save money for my children's education. I do not have children. This would entail finding someone to agree to marry me. That's a heavy feat. Do I care how much is in my whatever so-and-so account? No. Do I even know how much is in there? No. I just care about having a normal checking account and a normal savings account. That is all the financial stress I can manage. If I die and someone has to pay for my little self to be cremated, that is ok with me at this point. I do not have the mental capacity to make a decision to save $20 a month for funeral expenses. I do not think about saving for vacation. And I do not think about how much I need somebody to pay me in my retirement. TMI. This is what somebody else is for. Anybody else. Somebody make me a budget and tell me what to do.

All this talking about money makes me sick to my stomach. Thanks for trying to help, Mr. MoneyPants.

Gaining Focus

School starts this week. To be completely honest, I have absolutely no focus. No drive. What happened? Is this actually me? I'm nervous. Because I know if I start the year like this, I will hate every moment. What is it going to take for me to get in the game? I've let other things take huge precedence in my life. Things which have no reason being there right now. I'm upset that I let this happen. I know what it will take, too. Being alone. Thinking and reading. Praying. Restructuring my priorities. Going for a run. I'm afraid that if I don't take the time to get focused, this year could turn out to be quite terrible. I am worried.

Juicy and Chewy Ever!

Japan is the number two country in the world in my opinion for this reason and this reason only... they manufacture the most delectable chewy bits of heaven I have ever tasted. The most amazing - HI CHEW. Yes, the Hi Chew. I love them for their soft texture and their delicious fruity flavor that fills every moment with pleasure.

My friend just returned from Japan and she brought me back two packages of this flavorful glory. I told myself I would savor only one piece a day. That quickly turned into two pieces a day and now I have gone and eaten six pieces and the rest of the bag lies next to me as I type.

Their website, http://www.morinaga.co.jp/hi-chew/, boasts that Hi Chews are "Juicy and Chewy Ever!" And that they can be eaten anytime, anywhere to be refreshed. YES!!!! I can eat them ANYWHERE I WANT! Glorious day. Oh. The mango... exotic tasting. It says so online.

Our Date

Adam and I had a completely fantastic date last night. You know when you have a superbly amazing day and it colors everything the next day? You carry it around with you and as every moment comes, it tastes a little bit like that amazing day?

Today I feel like I have twinkletoes. Adam is wonderful.

My Friend, the Dead Television

So, I have a television. A television that has been useless ever since the switch to digital. Let's be honest. It's been useless all along. All I would ever get - even when it was working - was four or five fuzzy analog stations. I haven't seen more than 25 hours of television this entire year. That's just how it goes. This is a big change from five years ago, when the nightly ritual involved watching the news while cooking dinner and then vegging out every night for a couple hours.

The only drawback to my present situation is I miss out on significant world events. For example, I find out about Michael Jackson and other notable events on Facebook. Weird. But I like it that I'm not a TV watcher. I'm way more fit than I used to be. I read more. And I've got a fairly rockin' social life as well. It's definitely worth the trade.

I figured I would try to fix it, though. Plug in the digital adapter and give it a go. After 45 minutes of plugging and unplugging, auto searching and button pushing, I am the not-so-proud owner of a television that displays four stations. One - PBS. There was some sort of financial motivational speaker on tonight. Two - PBS Spanish. Hmmm. Well, let's think on the bright side. I could get in touch with my Latin side. Three - PBS Create. I don't know what this is about. I think it was cooking, but the lady was also holding up a curly stick, so who really knows? Four - an audio reading station. Oooh. Nothing like coming home and turning on the TV to listen to an audiobook.

I would rather live in Japan next to a big cow and be followed home by old ladies trying to find out where the white girl lives. Literally (That's for you, Addy). It sounds much more adventurous.

TV sucks. I'd rather ride a bike or cook or talk or listen or laugh or jazzercize or clip toenails or dust or teach my dog to sit instead of lay down or sort through my apparently appaling wardrobe. Sarah and Sarah said I looked like I was Aquafresh in one of my shirts.

I am not Aquafresh.

All Along The Way

Here's something I am really good at: moving ahead and making the best of a situation regardless of the drawbacks. When Rob was sick, I just learned that there are some things you can not change. And you've got to press ahead and tell jokes and laugh and make your situation as normal as possible. You accept what you have to accept and you change what you can change and you laugh and laugh and laugh all along the way.

There's no use grumbling about the little things. You do what you do and move along and enjoy every minute as much as you can. Right? This last week, I came upon a few situations where a friend of mine expected me to be upset and to grumble. It's hard when someone assumes that. If you can really make the best of it, then getting caught in a hailstorm and being alone in a new city become wonderful adventures. I love that.

Chocolate Wrapper Advice

I opened a Dove chocolate a few months ago and the wrapper said, "Don't think about it so much." I flattened out the wrapper and taped it up on my bookshelf at work. It's a good reminder. For anything, really. Anything that's taking up a giant amount of my thinking power needs to be set to the back burner and rotated through. You know? There's entirely not enough time in the world to be dwelling on one thought for too long.

I realized I should stop thinking about Adam so much. There's so much else I can be involved in thinking about. It will be good to get back to work. To think about getting my masters and working on my music. It struck me that he's leaving soon. "Leaving" as in "deploying". And "soon" as in "four months". Yesterday he said, "A year from today I will be coming back home." I got all choked up.

What does a girl do when the wonderful man she loves leaves? It's too much to think about right now. I think much of what I feel is related to having lost Rob. I felt cheated out of that. And now I feel cheated out of this. Nine months in a giant stall... unless he gives me the boot. Right? Then there is no stall. It's just over. But I don't want it to be over.

I want him to come back and sweep me up in his arms again. No promises, though. He said that soldiers change during deployment. I wonder what he's really thinking. That he doesn't say. He doesn't say alot. And usually, I think it's for my own good. Or he thinks it's for my own good.

He protects me.

Don't think about it so much, right? What am I supposed to think about... what's for dinner?