It was a whirlwind. Seemed like only a few short days. He came and he left. But it was so wonderful. I came home to Wyatt. No Adam to pick me up from school. Part of it feels very back-to-normal. I've been on a roll the last five months that he's been gone. So when he left this afternoon, my little heart broke and I wasn't ready to let him out of that comfortable feels-like-home last hug, but a few miles down the road - back to the normalcy of school and it felt just like it should, I suppose. A sense that everything was back to the 'normal' that I knew while he was gone.
But I step back into my quiet house and the only warm fuzzy man here is my wonderful dog... and it starts to get to me again. He left from my house to pick me up so we could go to the airport today... his shaving cream sitting on my counter. He left me one of his favorite shirts. A chair scooted out from the table where we had lunch. His footsteps still pressed into the carpet. The seat in my car still sitting far from the wheel just like he drives it.
That is how it should be. You wish that your time together would be well-spent and that you have such a great time that when he leaves, you are sad about all the things you will miss sharing. I already miss sharing this moment with him. Hearing him talk on the phone in the other room. I think it all comes down to knowing that you COULD do it all without him... the waking up, the enjoying the day, the big highs and lows and beautiful moments of the day... but you just don't want to.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Six Days
Just six days. That's all! I get to see Adam again in six days. I'm really excited to see him. I miss him so much. Sometimes it seems like the time has flown by... I've certainly not wasted it. That's for sure. Relationships, though, make me nervous. I think I'm past that "everything is perfect" phase. I am just not inclined to believe that any relationship can be perfect. Truly, I think that's a good spot to be in. There's not alot to be nervous about with us, though. It is what we make it. And we have a really wonderful relationship.
I think what I might be a little jittery about is just the fact that we have two weeks and that's it. All we've got is two tiny little weeks in the middle of nine months. I want everything to go well, of course, but I know that the best way to do it is just to enjoy every moment and milk every bit of joy out of what time we have rather than to force all kinds of fun into every second. I adore Adam.
The whole idea of not being able to look into the future has been echoing through my thoughts lately - both with work and with our relationship. It's scary not knowing what is coming around the corner. You get comfortable with where things are at. You see all the joy that you already have and it gets scary knowing that at some point things change - maybe for the better and maybe not. But I love what Adam told me earlier - that you just focus on the positive parts of the change.
I can't wait, though. He is the vanilla ice cream in my root beer float.
I think what I might be a little jittery about is just the fact that we have two weeks and that's it. All we've got is two tiny little weeks in the middle of nine months. I want everything to go well, of course, but I know that the best way to do it is just to enjoy every moment and milk every bit of joy out of what time we have rather than to force all kinds of fun into every second. I adore Adam.
The whole idea of not being able to look into the future has been echoing through my thoughts lately - both with work and with our relationship. It's scary not knowing what is coming around the corner. You get comfortable with where things are at. You see all the joy that you already have and it gets scary knowing that at some point things change - maybe for the better and maybe not. But I love what Adam told me earlier - that you just focus on the positive parts of the change.
I can't wait, though. He is the vanilla ice cream in my root beer float.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
World Wide Open
There's no better way to be thankful for your life than to live it fully. This January, I started Master's classes, training for a triathalon, and learning to ski. Everything about these three pursuits has challenged me and has caused me to change my perspective on who I am and what I can do. It's been an inspiring three months and it's not over.
I was having dinner with a friend last night. She is starting a new chapter in her life, or maybe not a new chapter, but a new journey. She and I are in similar situations - I will be starting a new job in August. One that I have a passion for, but very little formal training. It's always scary starting something new. Adam had excellent advice on this. He said - you can not read the future so you have to focus on the exciting part of the change and not the scary part. That's true about anything. We get so caught up into defining ourselves with what we HAVE been that we forget to open our minds up to new possibilities.
I have NEVER been a runner. I hated it. It would be a miracle for me to run a continuous mile. In January, I started running, and now I'm up to four miles for a regular workout. Now, I'm a runner.
I have NEVER been a skiier. I thought I was terrible and I didn't want to spend money on something I was terrible at. My first time skiing this season was December 31. I miserably and awkwardly and terribly struggled my way down green runs before I painfully surrendered for the day. Yesterday, I took my first black diamond. I'm confident and successful with it. I'm a skiier!!
I've never seen myself as a principal. A leader, yes. A principal, no. But there have been a number of people that I admire that have repeatedly suggested to me that I need to pursue that option. So here I am. Who knows where it will take me?
I am completely excited for the journey. There are scary parts. But I am hopeful. I feel now that I haven't truly used my body or my life to its utmost. I am so thankful that my legs can do what they can do and that my mind can do what it can do. It's an inspiring chapter in my life. The world is wide open. I am thrilled to be a part of it.
I was having dinner with a friend last night. She is starting a new chapter in her life, or maybe not a new chapter, but a new journey. She and I are in similar situations - I will be starting a new job in August. One that I have a passion for, but very little formal training. It's always scary starting something new. Adam had excellent advice on this. He said - you can not read the future so you have to focus on the exciting part of the change and not the scary part. That's true about anything. We get so caught up into defining ourselves with what we HAVE been that we forget to open our minds up to new possibilities.
I have NEVER been a runner. I hated it. It would be a miracle for me to run a continuous mile. In January, I started running, and now I'm up to four miles for a regular workout. Now, I'm a runner.
I have NEVER been a skiier. I thought I was terrible and I didn't want to spend money on something I was terrible at. My first time skiing this season was December 31. I miserably and awkwardly and terribly struggled my way down green runs before I painfully surrendered for the day. Yesterday, I took my first black diamond. I'm confident and successful with it. I'm a skiier!!
I've never seen myself as a principal. A leader, yes. A principal, no. But there have been a number of people that I admire that have repeatedly suggested to me that I need to pursue that option. So here I am. Who knows where it will take me?
I am completely excited for the journey. There are scary parts. But I am hopeful. I feel now that I haven't truly used my body or my life to its utmost. I am so thankful that my legs can do what they can do and that my mind can do what it can do. It's an inspiring chapter in my life. The world is wide open. I am thrilled to be a part of it.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Giving It Everything
I tell my students all the time: You have to take advantage of your education. They know they will only get out of it what they put into it. I don't tolerate kids remaining distracted. Everyone has got to dig in and do what they can to make the most of the opportunity to learn.
This is no different with my own education. I just started my Master's program. I am super excited to be back in school... digging into everything new that I have to learn. Well, I've been less than enthused with the instructors so far. Perhaps I'm making my judgement prematurely. But I expect alot. I bust my butt to get all the reading done and to turn in quality projects. So I expect my instructors to have excellent lessons and to facilitate conversation in a way that we will be able to have a working understanding of the material.
Because of this, I've found it vital to develop a strong work ethic in my studies. I want to know as I move into a new career, that I am intellectually prepared to address issues with my colleagues. I feel like there may be students in my program that are content with the minimum. But that's just not acceptable to me. I will be highly prepared, confident, and ready to take on the tasks before me without the regret that I didn't put EVERYTHING into my education.
This is no different with my own education. I just started my Master's program. I am super excited to be back in school... digging into everything new that I have to learn. Well, I've been less than enthused with the instructors so far. Perhaps I'm making my judgement prematurely. But I expect alot. I bust my butt to get all the reading done and to turn in quality projects. So I expect my instructors to have excellent lessons and to facilitate conversation in a way that we will be able to have a working understanding of the material.
Because of this, I've found it vital to develop a strong work ethic in my studies. I want to know as I move into a new career, that I am intellectually prepared to address issues with my colleagues. I feel like there may be students in my program that are content with the minimum. But that's just not acceptable to me. I will be highly prepared, confident, and ready to take on the tasks before me without the regret that I didn't put EVERYTHING into my education.
Valentine's No-Surprise
Valentine's Day is tomorrow and there really is only one thing that I want... for Adam to be here. But 7,000 miles away is a little far for that and I'm not going to get my wish. Today, he told me that he had gone out to dinner with his soldiers. They had all sent something home for their sweeties. Oops. Adam hadn't.
Now, a week ago or so, I thought to myself... if Adam doesn't take this chance to do something special to let me know that he cares about me... I'm going to be upset! He's so far away. Surely he thought of me, right?
This isn't the first time this has happened. That's just how Adam is. And frankly, I understand it. The obligation to buy somebody something on a specific day is a little obnoxious. Wouldn't it mean more if I just bought him a gift because I wanted to and not because there was some sort of obligation to do so? I get it.
Well, I told myself I was going to be upset about it. So, I tried to stir myself up. To get all bothered and annoyed. But it hasn't worked. I would just like to get huffy and impatient. But all I can think of is how good he is to me. How he loves me. And how wonderful he is. There's nothing to BE upset about.
So, Happy Valentine's Day to me. I have a fantastic man.
Now, a week ago or so, I thought to myself... if Adam doesn't take this chance to do something special to let me know that he cares about me... I'm going to be upset! He's so far away. Surely he thought of me, right?
This isn't the first time this has happened. That's just how Adam is. And frankly, I understand it. The obligation to buy somebody something on a specific day is a little obnoxious. Wouldn't it mean more if I just bought him a gift because I wanted to and not because there was some sort of obligation to do so? I get it.
Well, I told myself I was going to be upset about it. So, I tried to stir myself up. To get all bothered and annoyed. But it hasn't worked. I would just like to get huffy and impatient. But all I can think of is how good he is to me. How he loves me. And how wonderful he is. There's nothing to BE upset about.
So, Happy Valentine's Day to me. I have a fantastic man.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Ahhh... The Light
Is it true that darkness makes the presence of light that much more beautiful?
I recently met one of the most pompous, close-minded, irreverent, and demeaning people I've ever known in my life. He seethes arrogance. It disgusts me to be near him.
This meeting is not by chance. I know that this is an important marker for me in learning what effect we have on the people around us. I want to be someone that people feel comfortable approaching. I want to be someone that people breathe easy around. I want to communicate well. I want to honor the people around me. I want to have respectful and perspective-minded disagreements. I want to remember that I do not ever have all the answers and that I have much to learn from those around me. I want to serve those around me - not to behave entitled as though I own them. I want to be gentle with people. I want to make wise, informed decisions. Above all, I want to be genuine.
The future is bright.
I recently met one of the most pompous, close-minded, irreverent, and demeaning people I've ever known in my life. He seethes arrogance. It disgusts me to be near him.
This meeting is not by chance. I know that this is an important marker for me in learning what effect we have on the people around us. I want to be someone that people feel comfortable approaching. I want to be someone that people breathe easy around. I want to communicate well. I want to honor the people around me. I want to have respectful and perspective-minded disagreements. I want to remember that I do not ever have all the answers and that I have much to learn from those around me. I want to serve those around me - not to behave entitled as though I own them. I want to be gentle with people. I want to make wise, informed decisions. Above all, I want to be genuine.
The future is bright.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Better Changes
There is no better way to be thankful for your body than to use it.
I have always hated running, but I've gradually worked my way into it. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I love it. But at least now I don't dread it as I did. This week, I completed three workouts. This particular day was a one-half hour session on a treadmill. I had just bumped my speed up by 1/2 mile an hour. When I finished, I felt fantastic. I had maintained a solid pace: one that allowed me to push myself but was comfortable enough that I didn't feel like I was about to throw up. I only slowed my pace so I could stay hydrated.
It's amazing what we can do if we just decide to do it. Although my routine seems somewhat mediocre to more intense runners, I have come a long, long way. I am so proud of this change in my lifestyle. And I'm excited to be aiming for a bigger goal: my first triathalon. My goal is to do it well.
The last month has seen a number of changes in the way that I've functioned. I am proud of every single one of them. I'm not just becoming a better person because of the situations I encounter, but now better changes are coming because I am deciding to live my life in a new way. I love it. I'm not scrambling to keep up with my life anymore. This is in fact the only year that New Year's resolutions have truly changed the way I function. I am overwhelmingly proud of my progress this month and I'm looking forward to celebrating two months of wonderful change at the end of February.
I have always hated running, but I've gradually worked my way into it. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I love it. But at least now I don't dread it as I did. This week, I completed three workouts. This particular day was a one-half hour session on a treadmill. I had just bumped my speed up by 1/2 mile an hour. When I finished, I felt fantastic. I had maintained a solid pace: one that allowed me to push myself but was comfortable enough that I didn't feel like I was about to throw up. I only slowed my pace so I could stay hydrated.
It's amazing what we can do if we just decide to do it. Although my routine seems somewhat mediocre to more intense runners, I have come a long, long way. I am so proud of this change in my lifestyle. And I'm excited to be aiming for a bigger goal: my first triathalon. My goal is to do it well.
The last month has seen a number of changes in the way that I've functioned. I am proud of every single one of them. I'm not just becoming a better person because of the situations I encounter, but now better changes are coming because I am deciding to live my life in a new way. I love it. I'm not scrambling to keep up with my life anymore. This is in fact the only year that New Year's resolutions have truly changed the way I function. I am overwhelmingly proud of my progress this month and I'm looking forward to celebrating two months of wonderful change at the end of February.
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