Imaginary Conversations: Part II

You know, when I go to a pool to sit in the sunshine and splash around in the water, I don't want to be around overly-excited children. It is my job to be around children and sometimes I want a no-kid zone of sanity and serenity. So, I went to the pool with Hailee today. This pool was the epitome of adult time: peace. and. quiet.

That was until Mr. Important Pants came. Hailee and I had been sitting for maybe two minutes when he approached us to ask if the seat next to us was taken. Now, let me set the scene. There are probably at least 100 chairs around this pool of which 14 were filled with coconut-smelling soft-tushied human beings.

If he wanted to sit there, I wasn't going to shoo him away. Until I discovered his terribly annoying habit. He sat down and called someone - a short conversation. Meanwhile I am reading RtI From All Sides, by Mary Howard. Good summer reading, I know. I really was attempting to concentrate. He hangs up with the first person and calls a second, this time talking about how he saw his brother on a commercial. He's not just talking in a regular voice: It's irritatingly loud. After a few minutes on that phone call, lucky him... his brother calls.

Guy - "Dude, were you on a commercial recently? I totally just saw you on a commercial. You were golfing and then there was one shot of you with a woman. Awesome, dude."

Me - "Shut up, please."

Guy - "That's so crazy. So when did you shoot that commercial?"

Me - "Please shut up."

Guy - "Yeah. So weird to see my brother on a commercial. Have you been shooting a lot of commercials?"

Me - "It is rude to have loud conversations when you are 1)in a restaurant, 2)in an airplane, 3)sitting next to people trying to relax near a pool. Shut up."

Guy - "You were golfing. And then with a woman."

Me - "I think he knows what he was doing in his commercial, numbskull."

It goes on like this for a while. Then he gets off the phone and immediately turns to me talking about how his brother was on a commercial. He was assuming I had overheard his conversation, WHICH I HAD. How much of that conversation was him really sharing with his brother how excited he was to see the commercial and how much of it was him trying to make sure I heard that his brother was on a commercial?

Me - "OHHHHhhhh, Stranger! You are SO IMPRESSIVE. COME HERE AND LET ME SIT ON YOUR LAP WHILE YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR AMAZING BROTHER WHO WAS GOLFING AND WITH A WOMAN IN A COMMERCIAL!!!! What do you THINK I am going to think after overhearing your obnoxiously LOUD conversation? Do I really care your brother is in a commercial? No. Will I want to start up a conversation with you about it after being obligated to listening to you talk about it for twenty minutes? No. I want you to go jump in a lake. In fact, give me that cell phone (chuck cell phone). Perfect. Go away."

Imaginary Conversations Part I

I constantly have imaginary conversations. Like this morning, I pulled up to fill up my car with gas. Across the lane was a man filling up his white Hummer.

Me: Excuse me.
Guy: Uhhh... yeah.
Me: Two questions. One, is that your Hummer? And, if it is, what made you decide to buy it?
Guy: Uh... well... YEAH. IT IS MY HUMMER. And... I WANT IT, so get out of here before I shove your nosy little self into the exit only side of this gas pump.
Me: You're a freak.

When I see someone who drives a Hummer, I automatically assume that he (because 90% of the time, it's going to be a 'he') is a chach. I honestly do not understand the thought process that goes into buying a Hummer. Everything about that vehicle screams "UNNECESSARY!!!!"

I get it. If you work hard and you have a lot of money, it's your choice what you do with it. But truly, I view Hummer drivers as some of the most selfish, thoughtless, pea-brained individuals of our era.

That's all I've got to say about that.